My Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Symptoms

I am logging my benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms. With the progress of micro tapering and the goal being visible, the memory at that time has diminished much about the hellish withdrawal symptoms after the rapid taper. I wanted to log it before it completely disappeared. I try to make the expression as  highly imaginable as possible using draws, pictures, and sounds. Trigger Warning: viewer discretion is advised if you are currently on, tapering, or mentally unstable. (Just for checking my tapering log and history, click here.)

Physical symptoms

Body leans forward while walking

Perhaps it is an abnormal sense of balance, I struggle forward when walking. There may have been a slight feeling of frustration, and it may have been because the feeling was strangely rushing forward. As a result, often bumping into pedestrians approaching.

Derealization

A feeling of Derealization. I felt especially when I was walking. The feelings of the spirit being out of synchronization with the body may be similar. This discomfort, weird feeling unable to express.

Feeling that body is shaking

Although there is not an earthquake occurring, I feel that way. In fact, earthquakes occur so often in Japan that they are indistinguishable. I feel it while sitting. In the case of an earthquake the wall clock in my house sways, so I used to tell by it between earthquakes and withdrawal symptoms.

Muscular rigidity

Rigid, not stiff. It's a terrible stiffness, it seems as if the whole back is an iron plate. I wanted someone to crush it with a chisel.

Tremor or feeling of inner vibration

A feeling that a smartphone in silent mode is embedded in the center of the diaphragm inside the body and vibrates. As Krissy talks here - This Is Life with Lisa Ling - benzocrisis (CNN Films, Oct 2019) , she experiences the same symptoms. It usually happens when I was lying on my back. It wasn't so bad, but you will run to the hospital (and you'll be told nothing is wrong). It's strange and unpleasant.

Band around head

A more severe version of headache. It's impossible to talk to people. It shifts to a feeling that the brain is about to burst when this gets more severe.

Feeling that brain is about to burst

It was one of the most severe symptoms for me. About 5 minutes 15 seconds in this video, a ex-military man says "feels like my heads explode", I think it's the same one. Since the skull is stiffer than the brain, feeling the brain couldn't break through the skull and jump out to explode, causing the brain about to crush and crash inside. It's not something I can hold up with. I guess if it becomes more severe, you will be falling into swoon like in Christine's case.

Brain sound (Heavy Tinnitus)

Those with even worse tinnitus. When it comes to tinnitus, it sounds like it's ringing from the ears, roaring, ringing, and clicking. However, tinnitus due to benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms is high-pitched and metallic. Ashton Manual describes it as "needle of sound" piercing deep inside head. It feels like a downpour of a needle. In my case, it became even more intense, and I heard a sound like "Heeoooooooooeeeeeeeeeeee" when the engine is rotated at high speed before the jet plane takes off.  The sound source seems to be in the occipital lobe. The volume is 90 to 100 decibels when measured using two iPhones (reference: "Noise Sources and Their Effects").  It does not stop 24/7, which makes me crazy, and of course I can't sleep. I decided to add diazepam 10mg cause I cannot tolerate on this for years tapering.

* I tried to reproduce the sound → Download mp3 file (nounari.mp3)
I was able to make a sound quite similar, but the noise is a bit sharper and metallic. If you increase the volume of this sound to the level of jackhammer, and add sound pressure, it will be close to the actual ringing in brain.

Psychological symptoms

I think psychological symptoms are even more severe than physical symptoms.

Impatience

It's not just impatience. Extreme, unbearable, extradimensional impatience. I was going to have a coffee at Cafe and settle down, but because of the intense frustration, I could not sit for 5 minutes and jump out of the store. Perhaps if this will become more severe, and tremor also accompanies it, it will become Akathisia as a benzodiazepine withdrawal symptom. Having experienced this several times, I decided to reinstate flunitrazepam.

Others

Cough asthma
Fear
headache
High blood pressure (disappeared within 2-3 weeks. My value is low to average for entire my life so it was very surprising)
Light dizziness
Palpitations (my heart is beating but it is normal if I pulse on the wrist)
Frequent urination
Leaden heaviness
Flu-like symptoms
and others... (don't remember)

Other withdrawal symptoms not experienced

the symptoms that I have not experienced, but I can imagine what it is like.

Hypersensitivity to stimuli

Suffering from a shower or just touching the sleeves of the clothes you're wearing. This is easier to imagine if you think in the following way.

Normally, nerves feel pain where external wound, but in the case of benzo withdrawal symptoms, excitatory neurotransmitters directly attack the nerve inside to cause severe pain. Therefore, no one can see abnormality outside, and there is no Inspection method to measure the neurotransmitters in the nervous system (which passes through the synaptic gap), he/she will be misdiagnosed.

for example, it looks normal but..


actually similar pain to this situation. easy to imagine it should hurt just the sleeve touching.

The arm of this burn image was reproduced with makeup

when it comes to eyes for example..

Source: RADIO HAURAKI
This image is during surgery, but since the benzo-induced neuro damage is healed over several years, it is not possible to perform surgery and it is impossible to continue anesthesia 24/7, he/she have to stand until recovery. (some people described it as the pain of sticking fire chopsticks in the eyes).

Intrusive thoughts

For no reason, cruel thoughts spring up. Not just mere thought, but the "an impulse to cruel acts" arises apart from your consciousness. Mr.Wayne Douglas, who fought to the Supreme Court in Japan to sue against benzo damage, describes his experience with this type of withdrawal. "I can recall nights when my mother and I were sitting in the lounge watching television....I kept repeating to myself “I hope I don't lose control and attack mum, I hope I don't lose control and attack. mum….” (Source: Benzo Case Japan)

Another example I can imagine, you may be driven to tear your pet to two pieces. Intrusive thought that occurs when the amygdala, which controls aggression, fear, emotional reactions, etc., is abnormally activated by excitatory postsynaptic potentials and is connected with cruel memory. (for example, the memory of a scene in which the fictional character of "Fist of the North Star" is torn).
Just an analogy. The memory that is connected may be a movie scene that you have watched in the past, and I think that there is an intrusive thought that you cannot consciously recognize the connection with the past memory or the subconsciousness.

Source: http://kaikoswitch.blog.jp

I don't know,
Depression
Suicidal feelings
Akathisia
Restless legs
Agoraphobia
Cognitive impairment
...others.

I was a user of the non-benzodiazepine drug zopiclone (trade name Amoban). In the latter half of 2015, my physical condition deteriorated and various tests showed no abnormalities, so I reorganized my diet and investigated risk factors such as alcohol and eliminate them one by one. In the process, he learned about the dangers of benzo and that non-benzodiazepines are also part of the benzo family, and decided to withdraw. From half-hearted knowledge, replaced with one of the strongest benzos, flunitrazepam at my own discretion (the biggest failure). Experience withdrawal symptoms like living hell with a rapid withdrawal of flunitrazepam. After that, reinstatement of flunitrazepam and adding diazepam 10 mg were successful to stabilize "to some extent". Started micro-tapering with help of the my GP (February 2017). Flunitrazepam tapering completed (January 2020). Currently, diazepam tapering is in process. My profession is an engineer.
※ My taper log and history
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